So originally I wasn’t going to post because there are like 1million MIL issue posts but since I have to see her on Sunday and I’m positive she’s going to ask to babysit again I need some advice on how to approach the subject of, "I don’t think so."

My DH’s Mother is probably one of the only people on earth I cannot understand. I have always been a person who can see both sides to a story but this woman… I can feel no empathy towards. It is always about her but not in the way that she’s egotistical or a b****, she’s not overbearing or over-reaching her bounds… the best way I can explain is that my husband said that on the day of 9/11 she called not because of the massive emotional turmoil that was sweeping the US but because she was upset someone didn’t call her. And after saying, "Have you seen the news?!" She went on to exclaim that of course she has and whine because no one was listening to her problem.

She is a constant emotional roller coaster. You cannot, repeating CANNOT, explain to this woman something she is doing wrong because it’s almost as if she’s completely mute to anything and if she does grasp it she will use it against everyone for the rest of their lives about how you hate her and think she’s an awful person, etc. I could go on forever and ever and ever…

After we had the baby it was like a sigh of relief to me, she seemed genuinely happy and loved being gramma. I never had a concern outside of him staying at her house when he got older because she’d just put him in a playpen and leave him there, but he was a baby and she was gramma and I was content. I even said to my DH about how well she was doing and he said that he’s not going to fall for it because eventually she’d just go back down the coaster.

She had babysat once before our first night out of the house when he was 4 1/2 months and although he cried at first he went to sleep and was fine the next day but her boyfriend was there and my son was there, so she had help with him. Well thinking it didn’t go so bad we asked if she would come out so we could go see a movie and that he does really well in the afternoon and she shouldn’t have a problem. Well we left and he was just fine but when we came back a little over a hour and a half later we found her crying on the floor over his bouncer while he was asleep in it! Which obviously set off a million red flags.

My son was 5mo old, I put a bottle in the fridge and since it was near lunch I showed her some cans of food and said if he was really hungry (since it was not bottle time) he could have a little bit of food. A LITTLE bit. When I looked in the fridge one WHOLE can and a half of another one were gone and the bottle! She told my DH that he kept crying in the bouncer so she kept feeding him until he passed out! On top of that she said she didn’t know why he kept crying and was asking him why he wouldn’t stop crying which is why she started and I’m thinking… he’s 5mo old he can’t explain to you why he’s crying!! Gah. I find out most of this though after she left and my DH told me and once our son woke up he cried and cried for hours because his stomach hurt and kept throwing up. I felt so awful.

My DH, like I said, is used to this. She isn’t the "Mom" type of person and mainly had children to have the picture family. It was never what was the matter with the baby but what was SHE doing wrong and he remembers many times when he’d cry she’d just go off crying by herself, her whole life revolved around her. But she was so good to him when we were around it wasn’t something we expected especially only leaving for less than two hours. How hard is it to play with him? To give him a toy or walk him around or let him bounce in his jumper horse?? /sigh To be honest I wouldn’t be surprised if she never even took him out of his bouncer.

So Sunday we go over there for Easter and she’s already asked us when she can see him again and also that she can watch him again if we want to get out. This summer we are going on a second Honeymoon since we didn’t get a first and my parents are watching him but how do I say no, we don’t want you to babysit him and no he will not be staying at your house when we go on vacation? She’ll wind up going on some crazy escapade, texting us about how awful we make her feel, or who knows she could go into the wanting to commit suicide thing she used again my DH long ago when she wanted him around. Or god forbid mailing everyone in the family about how awful we are which she did to her sister just after her sister’s husband died just because she wasn’t getting the sympathy.

I really don’t know how to approach the subject, I keep trying to think of ways, with any normal rational human being I could explain the whys and how it effects us and the child. But it’s like she has some block to common sense, how do you talk to someone like that?

Sorry so long. =/